THE CONTRADICTION THAT LEADS OUR LIVES:
Yes, but no. No, but yes. ‘ No ‘ is not an authentic ‘ no ‘, the ‘ yes ‘ is not a real ‘ yes ‘.
YES and NO are the two most influential words in our destiny, they are the ones that determine the possibility of solving most of our problems or limitations. Depending on how, where and when they are used, they can put an end to unhappiness if used wisely and with consciousness, but we lack the ability to use them assertively for unconscious reasons as they can be discovered and solved.
The first thing to do is recognize these two powerful words: yes and no, with all the respect they deserve, because they are the least reliable words that exist in human language because they are used as tools of manipulation.
We say ‘yes’ to deceive others, because we know it contains a hidden ‘no’. We say ‘no’ to wield false power over others, when deep down we want to say ‘yes’ but we deny it. We use the ‘yes’ to seduce and capture, but later we use ‘no’ to avenge us. We use ‘no’ to put distance between us and others, but then we use ‘yes’ to manipulate whenever we want or to choose to punish ourselves for not being sincere.
Every decision we make has the hidden power to transform our lives. Behind every ‘yes’ is a ‘no’. I say yes to get what I want, yet at the same time I’m saying no to self-punishment. I say no in order to keep postponing a decision, and at the same time I’m saying yes to respect towards me. I say yes to that which I should say no, and say no when I mean yes.It’s as if we were experts in nullifying ourselves and not giving ourselves the respect we deserve.
LEAVE UNTIL TOMORROW THAT WHICH I CAN ENJOY TODAY
By saying: “It isn’t the right moment” or “I do not deserve it” we mean the same thing. The happiness required to decide for oneself is not present, because I have condemned myself to suffering. Almost all of our decisions are guided by a sense of guilt, so we use them to punish ourselves. Feeling that we aren’t ready is believing that we aren’t worthy. This undervaluing is at the root of almost all our decisions. The belief that we are worthless and incapable is what guides our choices.
When you finally get the opportunity to do something you want, end up you refusing to do so due to an unconscious impulse that comes from the unconscious desire for frustration.
Thousands of people get in contact with us, interested and needy to attend our retreats, yet only 12% allow themselves the luxury, they are the brave ones, the ones that love themselves, but the other 88% have many reasons to say NO. By investigating the real causes hidden behind such denial, we discovered that almost all the proclaimed ‘no’s were false when it came to taking a step to reunite with self love. “If I were to say yes, things could begin to happen that would exceed my ability to enjoy them. I would get what I don’t deserve”. Therefore, it would be better to say NO. So by saying: “I’m not ready yet” I’m actually saying “I still don’t consider myself important”.
A person can be faced with the possibility of deciding to do something that would really satisfy them, but out come all the excuses that threaten the integrity of being oneself right at that magic moment when most we need it. A very dubious attitude which threatens one’s self-esteem.
When will I allow myself the luxury? How can I do what I’m feeling now? What would happen to me if I did the impossible in order to make anything possible, in turn making me feel good? Such questions arise from a deeper place, though aware of its worth and capability, which I define as POTENTIALITY, so that when it is recognized and looked after, through awareness, it begins to awaken, like a seed that begins sprouting towards the light.
Here’s an interesting fact: 100% of the 12% that allowed themselves the luxury, those that said YES, would make the same decision again. Because when we say ‘yes’ to ourselves so begins a new valuation, an appreciation for listening.
WORTHINESS WOULD ANYONE MAKE CRAZY
Tomorrow is where we put everything that would make us happy in the now, and with this attitude of supposed good sense we are perpetually postponing the fulfillment of being. Our being begins to crystallize when we start deciding without considering the time factor as a justification. By not calculating, but instead focussing on what we want now, we cause any speculation to end, and thereby block the self-torture mechanism that comes self propelled to crush us.
Everyone who attends our personal development retreats already receives a sense of happiness when they agree to come because they are deciding for themselves. The healing of their wounds or their shortcomings begins to reach them like a wave of energy the moment they make their reservation to partake in something that their soul wants to experience. When each person arrives at our retreats they are already imbued in that energy of satisfaction because they have made a decision to favour themselves. The decision to say yes is the introduction to the reconciling effect that they are going to experience over days that are purely dedicated to their happiness in the here and now.
When we are all gathered together to begin the retreat, it’s time to comprehend that we have said YES, and we have said it not to something external but internal, to ourselves, and with that we have been respectful towards our integrity. To be coherent in the decisions we have already made and often do not realize, there hides a real treasure, the power to make a great inner transformation.
The apparent motives that bring people to inner development retreats become secondary when it is understood that what they’re coming to heal is the level of doubt that each one brings. DOUBT, is the result of indecision.
When you decide in favour of yourself and fulfill the decision, the thoughts you have against yourself begin to weaken. You have already started the process of regaining what you are worth and what you deserve.
Alberto José Varela
