In this AUTOBIOGRAPHY section, I will share the most fun and confrontational texts because I am going to talk about myself with a sense of humor and reflect the view I have of things while focusing on everything I have experienced.

It will not be necessary for me to die to write a biography about me, I want to write it myself in life.

One of the great themes that I have been writing for decades is about myself, because I have an infinite identity crisis, every time I start to write something about myself I temporarily go crazy because I don’t know which way to turn; for that reason I affirm:

My name is Alberto José Varela, but that is not who I am. It’s just a name nothing more.

I was born in Argentina but I am not Argentine.

I am male but not male.

I have 6 children but I am not a father.

I am part of many companies but I am not an entrepreneur.

I have created many things but I am not creative.

I am looking for ways out and solutions but I am not a seeker.

I love to write but I am not a writer.

I have thousands of followers but I am not a guru.

So what am I?

I feel that I am not a name, I am not my past, nor am I what they say about me; I am also not the separate parts of what I do, feel, think, or believe.

It is a mysterious challenge for me to be able to define what I am.

I have long since stopped searching for who I am, but I am still trying to discover who I am.

In the process, I come across many deep layers that give me clues of where I come from and where I am going, but they also give me clues as to why I am here and what I have to do. This conscious exploration within myself has created a look, a vision, a perception of reality that I want to share from this space.

"Not knowing who I am is the reason for my happiness"

"Not knowing who I am is the reason for my happiness"

I am ready to talk about my psychological illness, which seems to be already healing…
Alberto José Varela (Dec. 2009)

This is a short part of the epilogue of the second book that I wrote while in prison, when they had me 14 months awaiting my acquittal. It is a text in anticipation, and I anticipate that it is not a recommended madness to read this. Soon I will publish it in full. There are many pages. Here is a little brushstroke for my readers.

This is the reason that most make me laugh and enjoy life, talk about myself. Especially for being aware that everything I can say about me is a lie. I do not have a resumé, or as they say in Colombia: “page of life”, my page of life is blank, although I am 49 years old and I have done almost everything and I have spent my life researching, experimenting, working, living … But today I have nothing to say about my past, the little I can say about myself is uncertain because it would be subject to my own interpretations, and that makes me laugh a lot. The grace is that I cannot define myself in any way.

When a book is written, it is as if the ego of the writer were bound. This book was written by ME. To some extent, the ego of Alberto José Varela is bound here, so before publishing this book I thought about the possibility of not putting my name as a writer and making it ANONYMOUS, then we would save all this and the readers would focus much more on its contents. But I freely decided, not only to have my name appear but also to allocate a space to talk about myself, to question myself about what I am. Not to tell you about my achievements and awards, not to talk about titles or demonstrate my experience.

From my inner freedom, I allow myself to write about myself but not about what I do, have, or what I’m dedicated to; publishers usually give a small résumé of their writers, but I don’t want to tell you anything about my past because I’ve freed myself from it, nor do I want to tell you what I’m doing now or offer you anything. I feel that I can only talk about my present, but not because I deny the past but because I no longer have a past. In that sense, I can only talk about what it seems that I am now, because what I am from the transcendent point of view of time I still do not know and what little I know is changing every moment.

Anything that I or others say about me is an interpretation, but your interpretation about me can be much more accurate than mine, I suggest you focus on your interpretation about me because it will be very useful for you, for your self-discovery. The lie is very useful as a way to the truth. You just have to know how to follow the signs and they take you straight to the truth.

Nobody is what they say they are, nobody is what they show themselves to be, nobody is what they appear to be, therefore we are involved in a social lie of enormous dimensions. But it is truly wonderful to be able to have encounters with human beings to get glimpses of what the truth may be. This book is an opportunity to meet from beyond appearances.

Jack Nickolson said: “I have been seen by millions of people in many movies in which I have played dozens of characters, but no one knows the real Jack.”

Freedom is an encounter with oneself in oneself. Whatever is there it is fine, but you have to go through hard and thick tectonic layers of appearances, lies, masks and identities that are not your own. And that is how one realizes what one is. What happens outside does not matter, but many things have to happen from the lie in order to enter the individual truth. We have to end up trapped in a thousand and one jails of daily life so that the need to escape is born.

BEING is a daily escape. What I am is manifesting itself, as I am breaking down walls of lies, so what I am is released without any effort. My essence flows, and I fall in love with myself every day. I make love to myself every night in the darkness and solitude of a cell that becomes the belly of my consciousness.

It is something so natural and subtle that we are, that only awakened people can detect it, it takes great sensitivity to realize something as soft and delicate as the truth.

Says Philippe Gaulier, actor, playwright and educator “Being an actor is not a profession for sincere people, I like lying people; if they invite me to dinner at a house of sincere people, I won’t go, I would get bored “

In this sense I am an actor, a fictional character.

People interact with society by modifying and adapting to the environment that surrounds them so that the environment is comfortable. As if life were a play and each of us actors who interpret roles and scripts written by others. Living in this lie is tragic but watching it is liberating and a lot of fun.

Being able to observe how trapped I have been all my life within a tiny identity makes me laugh a lot, and laughter allows me to release a lot of energy stuck during years of dissatisfaction; because living caught up in the idea of ​​realizing and enlarging the ego is a senseless madness. And from that madness, one can only escape with another greater madness: abandoning the ego as the house where he lived. From the point of view of my Being, I was living in a house that was not mine, I was an occupant. The ego was my prison for many years. To live in the ego is to live in hell, or rather to die in it. From the ego’s point of view, he was an intruder, because he was occupying a place of power that belongs only to the being. To live from the being is to live in paradise. It is being alive, living and feeling the life that is in me. Being aware of life takes us to the natural and the essential, it is the path of truth.

Being unconscious, fwe choose the path of the unnatural, of death and of self-deception; In this way, everything is a fiction, a figuration, a lie that we are not even capable of seeing as such, but we falsely sell it to others as truth.

When we want to give an idea of ​​who we are, we fall into the need to magnify ourselves, I call it: “existitis.” This is a neologism of mine, this is how I define the psychological illness that I suffered almost all my life and that psychologists or Psychiatrists told me that it is idiopathic or essential, that means that they have no idea where it comes from or why it arises, therefore it is not defined, so I created the term, to define what my disease was: “Existitis” means inflammation of the ego, is when ones own existence is inflated more than it is. One day I got tired of having to support so many scaffolding on the facade of my identity and I decided to be myself. Many began to ask me, Have you gone crazy?

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