FROM ILLNESS TO THE COMPREHENSION…OF CONDITIONING

A glance inside the European School of Ayahuasca

It’s said in this Conscious School that “just because we walk free does not mean that we are truly free” and I add “…but rather the person who is free is whoever comprehends the freedom that is given to them by their conditioning”.

This week of training has been centred in the comprehension of the conditioning that each person brings with them, and their reconciliation with it.

Some time ago when I got sick I didn’t understand anything. I fought against my body and mind, until the sickness hit its peak. I knew I could get out of there, that I could heal myself.

A year later I understood that solutions don’t work as I thought they did, and I began to go further …from Chinese medicine to organic food, from energetic healing to confrontation of the personal process.

But I still didn’t understand.

I understood that if my kidney glands were exhausted it was because I had particular blocks at the second chakra, and I comprehended its relationship with deep maladjustments that affected my abundance, my sexuality and my femininity. I understood the symptoms and their meanings. I even healed those symptoms once, but I didn’t get to the root.

It was obvious that I would later relapse to a worse state   than ever, and that happened when my already frail emotional state saw itself confronted… and of course the problems got worse, along with almost paralysing backache being added to my problems.

Now I understand that I created all these physical  circumstances, and even the emotional circumstances behind the physical ones. I materialised all the causes and conditions in order to somatise them: Kill myself at the gym. Die of starvation. A cycle of deficiencies and excesses that kept starting all over again.

I ask for forgiveness to my body for not listening. I ask for forgiveness to my mind for having tortured it.

I ask for forgiveness to my heart for not taking any notice of it.

I ask for forgiveness to my parents, for not having understood the legacy of their conditioning.

I ask for forgiveness to my mother for not having understood the gift of her incomprehension.

I ask for forgiveness…knowing that I don’t deserve it…

Because now I know that the ultimate comprehension arrives when it’s realised from the heart with deep confidence, that there is nothing to forgive. That the ultimate perfection of life arrives when we trust unconditionally in the fact that everything is absolutely perfect.

And in that moment, that precise moment, all forgiveness became THANKS – thanks to the conditionings, thanks for playing my game, thanks for playing with existence, thanks for all the past, thanks for the present and thanks for everything that has to come.

THANKS FOR THE WORK I DID AT THIS STAGE,  FOR GIVING ME THE CLUE TO LOOK AT THE SIGNS WITH ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE. I KNEW THAT MY BODY WAS TELLING ME SOMETHING-I WAS INTERPRETING IT FROM MY CONDITIONING, WHILE MY BODY WAS SAYING IT WASN’T ON THE RIGHT TRACK. WHEN IN REALITY IT WAS THE OPPOSITE: MY BODY WAS TELLING ME ABOUT THE BATTLE OF CONDITIONING AGAINST THE POSSIBILITY OF FLOURISHING. AND AS WE CAN ONLY FLOURIS WHEN WE COMPREHEND AND WHEN CONDITIONING TRANSFORMS, THIS BATTLE WAS A CONSTANT GIFT, A CLUE IN AND OF ITSELF THAT EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT.

The energy of abundance won the battle, as it couldn’t have been any other way. My kidney glands recovered all their strength, the hypothyroidism ceased – destiny was, and all paths led to FLOURISHING.